| Plagiarizing the plaintive cry of
| |
| | taught to swear false oaths when they're
|
| Martial, I could say that there was a
| |
| | in training camp.And we can impeach Mark
|
| time when criminals and lawyers were kept
| |
| | Anthony's testimony. He's bad mouthing
|
| more or less safely immured within the
| |
| | you now, but earlier today at the
|
| confines of politics or the judicial
| |
| | funeral, he was telling everybody how
|
| system, and if a citizen lived honestly
| |
| | honorable you were. Then, we'll show
|
| and kept his nose clean, he could go
| |
| | that the whole charge is outrageous, that
|
| about his business and despise them both.
| |
| | you could never do such a thing. And
|
| But times have changed. Lawyers are
| |
| | then, we can destroy his character.
|
| popping up like dandelions everywhere you
| |
| | Everybody knows he's a drunkard and a
|
| look on television, and consequently, the
| |
| | womanizer. Maybe he was even messing
|
| Jurist Effect is wreaking havoc on
| |
| | around with Calpurnia. Yeah...a
|
| society.The Jurist Effect is measured by
| |
| | triangle. We can suggest that Anthony
|
| a number called the venerability factor.
| |
| | and Calpurnia were messing around, and
|
| Whenever the Jurists Effect is present,
| |
| | Julius caught onto them.""What happened
|
| venerability takes a beating. For those
| |
| | to the Carpathians?""Oh,
|
| who aren't familiar with the mathematics
| |
| | yeah...well...we'll use them, too. But
|
| of it, the venerability factor of any
| |
| | the triangle is too good to pass up. A
|
| human enterprise varies as the negative
| |
| | sizzling triangle.""Wouldn't that be a
|
| log of the proportionate mass of lawyers
| |
| | quadrangle? There's four of them, you
|
| involved. In law, of course, the
| |
| | know. Don't forget that Egyptian
|
| proportion is nearly unity, and the
| |
| | wench.""Hmmm, yes, Cleopatra.
|
| venerability factor approaches zero.
| |
| | Hmmm...Mark Anthony and...Cleopatra,
|
| Organized crime has a lower proportion of
| |
| | Cleopatra and Mark Anthony...you know,
|
| lawyers involved; thus it rates higher in
| |
| | we...could...uhh ...nah! They'd never
|
| respectability in the public mind. On
| |
| | buy that. No, let's stick with the
|
| the other hand, Congress, which has a
| |
| | torrid love triangle. We can implicate
|
| higher ratio than organized crime, but a
| |
| | Calpurnia.""Ahh...okay...but isn't
|
| lower ratio than the legal profession as
| |
| | Caesar's wife above suspicion?""So what?
|
| a whole, falls somewhere in
| |
| | There's always somebody who'll say
|
| between.Consider what happened to
| |
| | something bad about anybody. And the
|
| baseball, our once venerated national
| |
| | cleaner they are, the darker the dirt
|
| pastime. Long ago, there were maybe two
| |
| | looks on their lily-white togas.""I
|
| or three hundred big league baseball
| |
| | guess, but...""No buts! I'm your
|
| players and only a couple lawyers.
| |
| | pleader, right? Trust me. Let's not let
|
| Baseball players were the most venerated
| |
| | them turn this into some kind of sordid
|
| people in the country. Today, there are
| |
| | little inquiry about murder and mayhem.
|
| maybe 900 big league players in baseball,
| |
| | No sir. This is going to be a search for
|
| but several thousand lawyers, and
| |
| | truth. And integrity. It's
|
| baseball will never be the same. No,
| |
| | about...justice...virtue...
|
| there just isn't anyway to get around it,
| |
| | and...and...uhh...honor. I have a sacred
|
| the Jurist Effect is real.Now,
| |
| | duty here, and I know what I'm doing.
|
| television, and thus, society, is
| |
| | Now, where was I? Oh, right. Lepidus.
|
| experiencing the ravages of the Jurist
| |
| | We can get some dirt on Lepidus, too.
|
| Effect. Lawyers are pouring into
| |
| | He's a real stinker. And that vicious
|
| television news and public affairs, and
| |
| | little punk of a nephew...what's his
|
| they are even getting their own shows,
| |
| | name?"Octavian?""Yes, that's
|
| where they comment on everything
| |
| | it...Octavian. I'll tear that little
|
| imaginable from a jaundiced legal point
| |
| | sniveler to pieces. We can show that
|
| of view, and they're doing to the media
| |
| | he's involved in a cover up. He had a
|
| what they have already done to
| |
| | lot to gain by this, at least, according
|
| professional sports. After years of
| |
| | to the will.""Will?...What
|
| watching their absurd commercials on
| |
| | will?""Caesar's will.""He left a
|
| television, cajoling us that if we think
| |
| | will?""Yes. Anthony has been reading it
|
| hard enough, we can blame someone for
| |
| | all over town. Says he left gifts for
|
| something, and if we just call them, they
| |
| | everybody.""Did he leave me
|
| will help us find a victim and soon be
| |
| | anything?""I'll check. If he did, we'll
|
| very well off, who could have ever
| |
| | put in a claim right after the trial. We
|
| imagined that the day would come when we
| |
| | might even be able to get Calpurnia's
|
| would get our social, moral and ethical
| |
| | share, if the accusation of infidelity
|
| commentary and instruction from
| |
| | and complicity sticks. We could get some
|
| lawyers?What's next? How rudely comical
| |
| | really big denarii out of this, Brutus.
|
| will the human drama become if it
| |
| | Libel. Slander. Treason. This is a
|
| succumbs to such cunning media
| |
| | matter of personal honor! That's big
|
| sophisticates? Will history, philosophy
| |
| | stuff with those rubes. Big settlements.
|
| and literature become little more than a
| |
| | Estate forfeitures, the whole nine
|
| trilogy of shallow casuistries, and the
| |
| | stadia.""Think it'll work?""I don't see
|
| sum of human existence in all its myriad
| |
| | why not. Looks pretty good from here,
|
| expressions be reduced to the grating
| |
| | but just in case, we better have a fall
|
| timbre of a cynically mocking
| |
| | back position. Let me see...ah, yes. He
|
| hyperbole?Most stand-up comics hope so,
| |
| | was your friend and you idolized him,
|
| but what about the rest of us? Imagine,
| |
| | right?""Yeah, idolized..that's it.""And
|
| for instance, what the Jurist Effect
| |
| | you would never hurt him...you could
|
| would have been on one of the profoundest
| |
| | never hurt him...right?""Right. How
|
| moments of triumph and tragedy in history
| |
| | could I? He was my friend.""Your best
|
| and drama, say, for instance, the Ides of
| |
| | friend?""Yeah, best friend.""He loved you
|
| March, 44 b.c.e. Consider how shrunken
| |
| | like a son.""Yeah, like a son.""Your best
|
| in measure that moment would have become,
| |
| | friend in the whole...wide...""Yeah. He
|
| had Brutus consulted his attorney,
| |
| | was my best friend...the...the best
|
| instead of fleeing to Philippi to raise a
| |
| | friend I had in the whole wide world.
|
| republican army. The whole course of
| |
| | Why would I hurt him? How could
|
| western civilization might have moved in
| |
| | I?""Unless...?""Unless what?""You
|
| a radically different direction and one
| |
| | know...unless...?""Uhmm...let me
|
| of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies would
| |
| | see...unless I...uh...""Unless...you
|
| have gone begging.An Evening in
| |
| | were...""Unless I...were...""C'mon...keep
|
| RomeScene: A spacious triniculum in a
| |
| | going. Unless...you..were...""Unless I
|
| well lit villa on the Aventine, the home
| |
| | were...oh, yeah...unless...I
|
| of Gaius Ingnatius Postumus Scintillis,
| |
| | were...uh...hmm...crazy?""Now you're
|
| attorney at law and long time friend of
| |
| | talking. Heard any voices lately?""Are
|
| Marcus Brutus."Did you do it, Brutus?""Of
| |
| | you kidding. I live right off the Via
|
| course I did. I did it for Rome. He was
| |
| | Sacra - it's full of drunks and brothels.
|
| destroying the Republic and all that it
| |
| | There's always voices coming out of
|
| stood for. Men of good conscience cannot
| |
| | there. Sometimes, I can't get to sleep
|
| shrink from duty, Postumus. They must
| |
| | all night.""Aha, sleep deprivation. Not
|
| act. Caesar was ambitious, and he had to
| |
| | bad. Maybe we can use that. Ever hear
|
| be stopped. Honor dictated that I lend
| |
| | any voices telling you to do weird
|
| my hand and my name to strike a blow for
| |
| | things?""Ah, no, can't say as I
|
| Rome and for liberty!""Okay, okay, that's
| |
| | have...""Are you sure?""Positive. Look,
|
| all well and good. Now try it again from
| |
| | I'm not a fruit cake, Postumus!""Not even
|
| the top, and this time, try to get it
| |
| | a whisper...a hint...?""No!""A hint of a
|
| right. Did you kill him?""Oh, right.
| |
| | whisper?""Nulla.""Are you absolutely
|
| I'm sorry. Ahh...uhm...absolutely not!
| |
| | certain?""Uhm...well...sort of...""Think
|
| I had nothing to do with it.""Good, good.
| |
| | about it. Are you absolutely certain
|
| But you need to be more emphatic.""I'm
| |
| | that you have never heard a single voice
|
| innocent! 100% not guilty!""Great. But
| |
| | talking to you?""Well...er...hmm...well,
|
| don't show so much agitation. Show
| |
| | come to think of it...yeah...
|
| subdued grief and profound dismay when
| |
| | yeah...sometimes I do.""Your dog ever
|
| you say it. Now, you were seen during
| |
| | tell you to kill people?""Yes, now that
|
| the stabbing in front of Pompey's statue
| |
| | you mention it, he has told me on
|
| at the theater. What's your response to
| |
| | occasion to kill dictators. Told me to
|
| that?""Stabbing? What stabbing? I don't
| |
| | do it on the Ides of March, in
|
| know what you're talking
| |
| | fact.""Good, good...now we're getting
|
| about.""Excellent. Okay,
| |
| | someplace. Any of the gods ever talk to
|
| okay....Caesar's stabbing. They killed
| |
| | you?""Yeah...I think so. Jupiter,
|
| him.""Caesar? I know several Caesars.
| |
| | maybe...and, let me see...uhm...Venus?
|
| Which Caesar are you talking
| |
| | Yeah, Venus, too! They're always telling
|
| about?""Okay, very good! Can you raise
| |
| | me to do weird stuff!""I think we've got
|
| your eyebrow just a little higher when
| |
| | something here. We can tie it together
|
| you ask that?""Like this?""Yeah, just
| |
| | with the auspices.""Auspices? What kind
|
| like that. Look slightly offended, too!
| |
| | of auspices?"Let's see. Dreams, we can
|
| Okay, now where was I? Oh, yeah...you
| |
| | use dreams. Have you seen an oracle
|
| know...Julius Caesar...the big guy with
| |
| | lately?""I haven't been to an oracle in
|
| the laurels and the size 46 toga? In
| |
| | years.""What about Portia?""Umm, yeah,
|
| front of the Theater of Pompey?""Me?
| |
| | she goes sometimes...can we use
|
| Why...I wasn't even there...I
| |
| | that?""Does she ever tell you what they
|
| was...uh...at the...circus...yeah, I was
| |
| | say?""Yeah, sometimes...I guess she
|
| at the circus.""Good! I like that!
| |
| | does...yeah sure.""Maybe. Well, no
|
| Anybody see you there?""Yeah...er...Casca
| |
| | matter. Say, there's word that some
|
| and Cassius?""Cassius has been spilling
| |
| | soothsayer was mumbling something about
|
| his guts out all over the Forum in
| |
| | bewaring the Ides around the Theater
|
| front of a some very large crowds.
| |
| | before the whole thing went down. We can
|
| Something about liberty for Rome and
| |
| | tie that in...the Fates...stuff like
|
| death to tyrants. And he shouted your
| |
| | that. You know, 'those, whom the Gods
|
| name a couple times, too! We'll have to
| |
| | will destroy, they first make mad.' That
|
| show that it was someone else with you at
| |
| | stuff really appeals to equestrians.
|
| the circus.""Boy! Cassius has a big
| |
| | We'll have to go to the literature, and
|
| mouth. It wasn't me...it was somebody
| |
| | we have to get some expert augers to
|
| else.""Hmmm...then it must have been
| |
| | testify.""Augers. Why do we need those
|
| somebody else, if you say, because
| |
| | fakers?""To testify that all the signs
|
| everyone knows that Brutus is an
| |
| | were present. Let 'em say that the
|
| honorable man. So, you mean...you're
| |
| | entrails showed that you were fated and
|
| being...?""Falsely accused! Yes!""No,
| |
| | that you were being driven mad by the
|
| you're being...?""Persecuted? Yeah, I'm
| |
| | will by the gods. It won't be much
|
| being persecuted, because I
| |
| | trouble to find a few of them who'll
|
| ah...ah..""Well, maybe we can use that
| |
| | swing our way. A dozen experts can never
|
| later, but for now, you're
| |
| | agree on anything. We can't lose on that
|
| being...""I'm...being...?""C'mon,
| |
| | one.""Is that all?""No. We have to get
|
| think...you're being
| |
| | the right jury.""Try it before the
|
| ffrrrrr...""Frrr...?""Yes,
| |
| | Senate. I've got lots of friends in the
|
| Brutus...fffrrrr...""Ffrrr...urred! I'm
| |
| | Senate.""Don't I wish, but it probably
|
| being furred? What the hell does that
| |
| | won't float. After all, he wasn't of
|
| mean?""No! Not furred,
| |
| | high patrician blood, you know. Marius
|
| ...frrrr...a...""Frr...a...amed?
| |
| | made him a big shot. Some even say he
|
| Yeah...framed! I'm being framed!""Yes!
| |
| | was from an equestrian family. An
|
| Just like that, exactly! But look more
| |
| | upstart. The prosecution will try to
|
| pained and desolate.""How 'bout
| |
| | push for a trial in the Assembly.""Is
|
| this?""Better. Much better. Okay. Now
| |
| | that bad?""Maybe, maybe not. There's a
|
| someone was overheard yelling 'Sic semper
| |
| | lot of sentiment out there for you, too.
|
| tyrannis' in a deeply resonant patrician
| |
| | But we'll need to get some high profile
|
| voice very much like your own, right
| |
| | co-counselors. Someone like Cicero.
|
| after the stabbing. And you did have
| |
| | Man, now there's a lawyer's lawyer.
|
| blood all over your toga, didn't you?
| |
| | Remember pro Flacco? 'When your case is
|
| What do you say to that?""It wasn't me.
| |
| | weak, abuse the plaintiff!' That was a
|
| It couldn't have been me. I don't even
| |
| | classic.""Cicero's a schmuck. And he's
|
| speak Latin. It had to be someone else!
| |
| | afraid of Anthony.""Yeah, too bad. We'll
|
| And it's not
| |
| | just have to get someone like
|
| blood,...ah...it..'uhm...it's..er..it's
| |
| | him.""Like?""Well, there's a lot of
|
| wine! I was drinking wine at Marcellinus
| |
| | Sabine blood in the assembly, and the
|
| the centurion's place and it spilled all
| |
| | prosecution is going to have a counsel of
|
| over me.""That's great! I was in the
| |
| | known Sabine ancestry. So, I figure
|
| Twelfth Legion with Rufio in the Dacian
| |
| | we'll counter with Apollonius of Colon on
|
| campaign. I'll tell the court that I
| |
| | our team.""Apollonius? He's a goddamn
|
| personally spoke with Marcellinus,
| |
| | Greek!""There's a pretty sizable body of
|
| centurion to centurion, and he will
| |
| | citizens of Greek extraction out there,
|
| verify that! By the way, who's
| |
| | Brutus. All the southern precincts were
|
| Marcellinus?""He's got a shop just on the
| |
| | originally Greek colonies. It can't hurt
|
| edge of the Forum where all the old
| |
| | to have a few of them on the defense
|
| Fifteenth Danubian Legion Vets hang out.
| |
| | team. And Apollonius is good. None
|
| Great food, and he doesn't skimp on the
| |
| | better!""What if they get a Greek,
|
| wine. All you can drink for 20
| |
| | too?""Those conniving bastards, I
|
| denarii.""Excellent! An honorable
| |
| | wouldn't put it past them, especially
|
| working man, a veteran and a patriot! We
| |
| | Lepidus, the filthy little ferret.
|
| can use him. Now, what about that cut on
| |
| | Goddamn prosecutors! They're all a bunch
|
| your hand? Some people might say that
| |
| | of dirty unprincipled sneaks.""Say,
|
| jumping around with forty people jabbing
| |
| | didn't you used to be a senatorial
|
| someone all at the same time is a bit
| |
| | prosecutor?""Well...uhm...yes...I suppose
|
| dangerous, and that you cut it
| |
| | so, but now, I'm a defense pleader. No
|
| then.""Nonsense. I cut
| |
| | matter. Anyway, if they try to use a
|
| it...while...cleaning my sword. I heard
| |
| | Greek, too, we'll simply go public and
|
| the news that he was dead, and I got so
| |
| | accuse them of playing the ethnic card.
|
| upset that I...I...ah... slammed my
| |
| | Apollonius will make the accusation.
|
| hand...down...on...it
| |
| | That will give it real
|
| ...in...grief?""Good. Very good. We can
| |
| | credibility.""Well, maybe, but just keep
|
| use that to show how deeply you cared. I
| |
| | a tight reign on him. Geez, he's so damn
|
| like that. That's the kind of stuff that
| |
| | melodramatic. If you don't keep a lid on
|
| will appeal to plebeians. Maybe we can
| |
| | it, he'll puff himself up and turn the
|
| get some angry mobs into the streets
| |
| | whole damned trial into a Greek
|
| chanting that it's a frame up. You're
| |
| | tragedy.""Yeah, but the masses eat it up.
|
| pretty popular with the masses. Let's
| |
| | They love it.""Say, how much is this
|
| see, maybe we can suggest it was the
| |
| | gonna cost me?""Let's
|
| Carthaginian Cartel. Yes, the
| |
| | see...Apollonius...public relations
|
| Carthaginian Cartel. He wasn't
| |
| | criers...expert
|
| assassinated...he was executed! We'll
| |
| | augers...oracles...soothsayers...and...we
|
| mention that there's talk among the
| |
| | will have to pay them up front...fifty
|
| street people that they used the
| |
| | talents of silver, maybe, and, of course
|
| Carthaginian Necklace on him!""What's a
| |
| | there will be the customary gift
|
| Carthaginian necklace?""It's a...hell, I
| |
| | expenses. How much cash do you have on
|
| don't know, but it sounds like something
| |
| | hand?""I only have thirty talents in
|
| they would use.""Who?""The Carthaginians,
| |
| | cash.""Got any other sources coming in
|
| Brutus...who else?""Well, okay...but...I
| |
| | soon?""No. I think I've lost my chariot
|
| don't know...didn't we kill all the
| |
| | concession at Circus Maximus. Just my
|
| Carthaginians in the third Punic
| |
| | estate left.""Okay, thirty's good. We'll
|
| War?""Well, yeah...damn, I guess we
| |
| | mortgage your villa if we need to.""Why
|
| did.""How about the Judeans? Can't we
| |
| | so cheap? Gaius Decius wanted 200
|
| blame them?""Now there's a thought. I
| |
| | talents up front to plead Casca's
|
| suppose we could float a trial balloon in
| |
| | case.""Are you kidding? There were sixty
|
| the Forum with the Crier's Guild
| |
| | eyewitnesses, and Cassius has already
|
| maybe...nah! It won't fly. Herod's a
| |
| | done everything but publicly confess for
|
| friend of Rome. Everybody likes him.
| |
| | all of you. When I get you off, it'll be
|
| His father saved Caesar's cojones in the
| |
| | the greatest case since the Cataline
|
| Egyptian Campaign. Say, I've got it. It
| |
| | Conspiracy, maybe even the biggest case
|
| was the Carpathians. Yes, let's say
| |
| | of all time. Besides, we'll make a
|
| there's definitely talk about a
| |
| | killing on the book!
|
| Carpathian necklace floating around.
| |
| | We'll play up the whole government
|
| Hmmm...we'll have to work on it.""Okay.
| |
| | conspiracy thing, you know, Octavian, the
|
| Anything else?""Yes, do you have a motive
| |
| | conniver, stirring things up with the
|
| they can prove?""Uhh...no, I don't think
| |
| | city prefect and the cohorts to cover up
|
| so...no, definitely not. Well...I am a
| |
| | his and Anthony's crime...we'll really
|
| republican,will that hurt my case?""Won't
| |
| | slice them up good. That'll take care of
|
| help. Anthony is already screaming that
| |
| | the little shit! I'll bury him so deep,
|
| it's nothing but a vicious right wing
| |
| | nobody will ever hear of him again!
|
| republican conspiracy. Claims everybody
| |
| | We'll call the book 'Et tu, Caesar?' And
|
| is lying about Caesar being ambitious.
| |
| | we'll bring it out before the trial
|
| Word is that you've been saying that he
| |
| | starts.""Now, let me see...I've got to
|
| was ambitious. Any truth to
| |
| | prepare a statement for the Acta Diurna
|
| that?""Uhm...well..I might have
| |
| | in the Forum. There was a storm last
|
| said....ah....ah....well, I think, maybe
| |
| | night...so, I'll start out with a
|
| I...well, you know, he didn't actually
| |
| | righteously indignant cry for justice...
|
| put the crown on his head at the
| |
| | something like -- 'Even the Gods cry
|
| Lupercalia...but...""But what?""Well...he
| |
| | out in anger against this profane outrage
|
| did fondle it a little, and there was
| |
| | to justice.' Then, we'll make a public
|
| this moment when he didn't really seem to
| |
| | sacrifice to Apollo to show them we're
|
| want to push it away.""Well, did you
| |
| | pious and innocent, and you can go to
|
| actually say he was ambitious or
| |
| | Caesar's funeral pyre and openly weep.
|
| not?""Ahh...well...kinda maybe...I guess
| |
| | Then, we'll swear some oaths to Zeus,
|
| so...yeah, I said it..a couple times...to
| |
| | too...that'll get the Greeks on our side.
|
| a couple people...mobs, mostly.""Mobs can
| |
| | 'We have a sacred duty to the
|
| be noisy. Maybe they misheard you. Try
| |
| | truth'...yes, above all else, a search
|
| it over again. Did you say that Caesar
| |
| | for truth...yeah, I like it. 'Let
|
| was ambitious?""No. Definitely
| |
| | justice be done...'I've got it! Listen
|
| not!""Okay, we'll say that it's all lies.
| |
| | to this!--
|
| A filthy pack of vicious lies! They're
| |
| | 'Let justice be done...though the
|
| quoting you out of context. All of them.
| |
| | Heavens rent asunder...and...ahh...and
|
| This is a hatchet job. They're out to
| |
| | the Gods do tumble from their thrones,
|
| get you.""Who? The Carpathians?""Well,
| |
| | let justice be done!' That's it! And we
|
| no,- actually...the consuls have been
| |
| | can throw in virtue and honor...got to
|
| saying it. Say! Of course! That's it!
| |
| | work them in somewhere. And then, the
|
| The consuls...the city prefect...the
| |
| | sincere and moving cry for truth. Yes, a
|
| cohorts...they're all in it together.
| |
| | search for truth and justice! Don't you
|
| It's a big frame up! The whole rotten
| |
| | just love it when it all comes together?
|
| administration is in on it! We'll play
| |
| | Well, you better get going, Brutus.
|
| up a government conspiracy! That's
| |
| | Lots to do. I'll get with you later.
|
| always good for votes. Juries are real
| |
| | Just stay away from Mark Anthony and any
|
| big on conspiracies and cover-ups by the
| |
| | crowds, until I can get a restraining
|
| authorities. Now...let's see...we can
| |
| | order from the Senate. And remember,
|
| attack them with the character issue,
| |
| | deny everything! This is great.
|
| too. First, we claim that all the
| |
| | Absolutely great! By Jove! I love the
|
| cohorts lie. All of them! Yes, they're
| |
| | law!
|
